Him and I

I woke up at 6am...
Just like everyday I would wash up and pray then a thirty minute work-out would follow up.
It was 8am it was time to leave the house and visit her, my grandma; I would visit her everyday to check on her..
I took the keys of my car and went in; turned on the engine and waited till my car was heated I drove through the clean calm streets
It was empty only a few trucks here and there I decided I was in the mood for coffee I needed it; anything that could take my mind of him..
It was all because of him, he made this all happen
He was my happiness and my misery
He was my everything
I would wake up every morning hoping to bump into him
Just to meet his gaze
See his smile
Smell his scent
Only a second with him would mean the world to me
If only
I thought if only
If only he would feel the same way
Miss me like I miss him
Need me like I need him
Eager to wake up every morning just to see me

I went into the coffee shop looked at the choices and I went with the usual
Something he loves; something he got me addicted to
I HATE HIM was the only thing that was on my mind
I hate him for making me love him
I hate him for making me miss him
I hate him for making me think of him
I hate him
I just hate him


And like that the idea of hating him has faded away
I couldn't leave this bubble I tried escaping but I would always have the same outcome


Failure
Yes, failure


I got my double espresso and left
I drove to the hospital quietly


I arrived, I walked through the white corridors
Only white uniforms were at sight


Where is he?

Why isn't he here?


But then again why would he?

I went to granny's floor then the ward and entered her room
I sat there for five minutes

I want him

i unlocked my phone

the password was his name

i typed three words

three words that i feel every single morning

i miss you

i wanted to send it soo bad

but i don't want to show him that I'm pathetic

he probably has another woman by now
I want water
That's something I could do, finally!
Down I went the ten flights of stairs
I felt free, right then and there

and that's when i saw him

my heart fluttered

our eyes met

he had a soft smile

is it him?

is it really him?

i starred at him wondering was it my him or just another random him?

i forgot what he looked like

i just have a vague image

and then and there

i realised that i was holding onto nothing

i don't remember him

i don't need him

because if i really did, then i would be dead by now

its been months

five months to be exact

and i could live five more in this same situation

or i could simply let go

i will let him go

because the only person i need now is me

i want me

i miss me

and that's because i love me