:)

I sit here typing my feelings letter by letter, the only problem is i don't really know what i feel. i have everything i have dreamed of but I'm never fully satisfied, i always have the urge of wanting more, I try to stop it and be thankful for what i have but i simply cant. 

Looking over the past few years i have realized that i grew up a lot, my thinking and perspective of life has changed, yet i still feel that kind of emptiness. it was filled once for a month where i believed I was on cloud 9, I was the happiest girl on earth, I wouldn't stop smiling but then December came and ruined everything. I just wish it was true but unfortunately I know its not. everyday I tried to replace it, that emptiness, but I cant. I don't think I will ever because its simply not the same without you. I tried to forget, I cannot and I will not. why does it always lead back to you? and when I allow myself to accept that its true I try to resist talking about it. look at me, I don't even know what I'm writing about yet all I know is that the answer is you. I also know that it will not act the same as before because of all that has happened in between; but what am I saying its not like it will happen again. 

I just wish that it was true.