Love and Hate

I hate that thing about you
I hate the impact you have on me
I hate it
But I don't know why I can't hate you



You know
I don't even know if I love you
Do I love you?
But I hate that thing
Something that could decide my love or hate towards you


When it comes to you I simply get mixed feelings
Love
Hate
Passion
Craze
Friendship
Loyalty

The problem here is that the first feeling I get when it comes to you is love
Because I LOVE YOU
Then again I remember all these things and I hate you


See I don't hate you, unfortunately I do love you

Why?
Can you give me a reason please.

Is it the way you talk
Or the way you act
Or what exactly?


So I am here writing you this letter
Asking myself something
I need to understand myself when it comes to you
So I can decide on whether I want to hate you or not


You are a good memory that's true

But what you left is killing me

You are a dishonest man

Yes I have lied
But I admit that I lied

You
You on the other hand
won't
can't admit
that you are


A
L
I
E
R

A conniving basterd
A cheat
A womanizer

And you call yourself a man
No no no, you call yourself an educated; open minded man
Honey you are everything but that


Hell I heard you are trustworthy
Well kiss my sweet a**

You have promised me
You promised me a simple thing


And you broke it
Just like that


And that's what ended my feelings towards you
Every single feeling
Except one which is hate

Yes, thank god

Now I could look at myself in the mirror and say that I hate X al X with a happy smile

Smile of releif
Honesty
And love

Yes, as you are reading this letter
I wish you the worst of luck
Just like what you did to me
I wish someone who has the guts to break your promise
And leak a piece of information about you
Information that could destroy you
Your career
Your love

I have kept so much and heard much more

They say "irayal shayil 3aiba"
Baby I want you to face God on judgement day and say those specified three words
I want to hear what god is going to say
Or do

I don't want to see it

Because a good hearted person like me wouldn't want too
Now that I am clear with my feelings towards you









I wish myself a happy stress free life



ps. this is not about my hubby, its a random post
love you;***

Remember....

Remember the days we used to talk till dawn
Remember the times we used to hug
Remember the moments we used to kiss



I remember them
I don't want to


I want them back
I want you
I'm sorry

What can I do?

I Miss You

Him "I'm sorry"

Her "baba tiwafa"

Him "adree"

Her "and you leave me like that right, not even a msg"

Him "kint abeech tinsainee"

Her "tadree ina 3omri mara7 ansak"

Him "adree"

Her "then why did you leave me all lonely"

Him "madre shagoolich"

Her "3ayal latgool"

She wanted to hug him
Kiss him
Welcome her long lost husband back

But she couldn't
Where was he the past seven years
Where was he when she went to bed
Where was he when she woke up in the morning
Where was he when she was waiting for him on the bench in the train station
Where was he when her father died
Where was he.....






She ran up the stairs
As the tears flew away

She grabbed the shirt that she hugged for the past seven years and wore it
She finally wore it
She can wear it then wash itBecause she has the actual wahabi waiting for her downstairs

She wanted him to wait
Just like he made her wait

She knew he had a good reason but she deserves to know it before she suffers

But then again

Thinking about it he had no good reason, her being his wife should accept him in every state he is

That's why she sat there with the door slightly open

Waiting for him
Waiting for an explenation

After about fifteen minutes he came
He peeked from the door
Looked for her and found her
He saw his love sitting on the bed

He smiled
A smile of sorrow and pain
All he wanted was her between his arms

Nothing but that
He slowly walked over to her

Trying not to disturb her thoughts

He sat behind her hugging her

He hugged her from her stomach

Moved her hair to the side
And kissed her neck
That's when the tears started rolling down his face
He hugged her tighter

Him "a3shigich"

She said nothing
She was furious
Although she was sad and wanted to break down but she held her emotions and stayed silent

She held them for seven years she thought

A few more moments won't hurt

He took of her shirt

Him "you won't need this anymore"

He touched her bare bodyit paralyzed her

She sighed
Leaned back
And closed her eyes
He kissed her forehead

Him "can I explain"

She nodded while her eyes were still shut

He told her the story
She kept listening
She held his hand
She was silent it freaked him out

Him "7ayati"

Her "hmm"

She hugged him
She said nothing
She only hugged him

"I miss you" was all she said

He was glad she understood

But they kept something from each other
That night they slept together
All cuddled up

And that was the end of them
Their life


I miss you

Were the last three words she said
And the last three words he heard

The Forth Day....

She washed up
She went to bed waiting for him
She wanted to tell him but didn't want to worry him
But couldn't hide anything from him


He came to bed

Him "7ayati shilee imlahee balich?"

Her *smiling at how he reads through her* "inta ya galbi"

Him "akeed? Akeed ana wala wa7id a7la mini?"

Her "ako wa7id a7la minik?"

Him "ee shaklich 7a6a 3ainich 3ala wa7id '3airi"

Her "wahaabbiii basik '3ashmara"

She pushed him slightly

Him "gadha"

Her "emm"

She held his hand and pulled him
He is now on top of her

Him "hala wala, hala ib shai5at I'll banat"

Her "wahaabii"

Him "wahaabii" *mimicking her voice*

Her "bas"

Him "ishfeech 7obi?"

Him "thayig 5ilgich"

Her "la its nothing"

Him "what's wrong?"

Her "baby mako shay"

Him "il7ilwla za3lana... Meen iratheeha ana aratheeha!"

Her"hahahahaha... Wahabiiii"

Him "golaay manyhadich ilyoum ila itha giltele"

Her "I don't want to worry you 7abebi"

Him "affa worry me 3ala shino, 3omri intay lama ashoofich chithee I get worried"

Her "ok"

He sat up and pulled her next to himHim "i7chay ya mara"

Her " its baba... Wayid ta3ban oo ana 5ayfa 3alai i9eer fe shay... Oo mayabe ay doctor"


Him "7ather"

Her "7ather shino?"

Him "3ugub bacher asafer oo inshalla arba3 tayam oo ikon 3indich ya 7ilwa"

Her "la7abebe ig3ad latroo7"

Him "tabeen chithe ag3ad oo 3ame yabe doctor"

Her "shift 3ashan chithe makint abe agoolik"

Him "lil2asf you can't resist me"

Her "a7ibik"

Him "7obe agwa min 7obich 9adgene"

Her "I know"

The day after has come
So did their days apart from each other
He told her after four days he is going to arrive at exactly 4:10

Those four days without him felt like four months
She prayed to god everyday to bring her husband back safely
They were hard days
As soon as the fourth day came

She thought
finally My Bad Days are Over
She woke up forty one minutes just before the arrival of the train
And there she waited







And waited

Nothing

He didn't come

She calmed herself down

She didn't loose hope

She waited




So did he

He waited till he would heal
Just like any other man who loves his wife
He didn't want her to suffer with him

He wanted her happiness
She would be upset at anything that would hurt him
So him having an accident and being paralyzed will not help
He would pray day and night just to see her beautiful face

Her warming smile

But after forty one hours from his departure caused him his life

He wished he had never asked her what's wrong

Not because he got paralyzed but because he wanted to see her face everyday

He thought four days are nothing

But it caused him the next seven years
If only she knew he thought

After waiting several days Dina lost her soul
She felt like a ghost living
She took care of her father

She would wake up everyday just to see if he would come back

And be at the train station at 4:10 exactly

For four years she had the same routine
Then her father died



Her father died
Her husband died
And first of all she died

She was all alone in this world
She lived like this
All alone in a big mansion

With no one by her side
Every night
She would put her head on his pillow with the last shirt he wore
That's how she survived for the last seven years

Him "ha dictor agdar arid I'll deera?"

Dr. "Ee bas deer balik"

Him "7athreen"

He left on the first train the one that would arrive at 4:10

Knowing his wife he knew she would be there

Sitting on the chair she promised him that she'd wait on

there she was sitting

he didnt know whether to be happy
...sorry
.......foolish


but he was glad to see his jewel once again

Seven Years.....

It was 4:10
The train stopped
The doors opened
Like any other day for the past seven years
She waited
She waited for him to come
He told her it was only a four day trip
He told her he would find the best doctor and bring him back to her
She waited seven years
She regretted the day she opened the subject to him
She hated her honesty
Emotions
It felt like it was the reason that drove him away

That’s new she thought
What a new way to drive away your heart

Every day she would come
She never lost hope
And today her wishes came true
Her life was back
He was back

It took him seven years
She didn’t believe it at first

She thought she would go back home all alone
To enter her huge mansion that he left for her
The empty mansion

But there he was
Heading towards her

She couldn’t believe her eyes
Of course something is wrong
This isn’t real

Why is he heading towards me?
Where's wahabi
Wahabi I need you
WAHABI its been seven years

Him "hi" *tears filled his eyes*

Her "excuse me sir, please step away"

Him "baby, its me"

Her "excuse me! Move away from me"

Him "D ana wahab"

Her "wa5ir 3aneee!!! Inta mo wahab!! Wahab mo inta! Latchathib!! Wahab mayhidni seven years"

Him "Dina"

Her "inta mo wahab"

Him "ana wahab"

She took in his features
He had the same eyes
Green eyes with big eye lashes
His crooked nose
The nose that got broken because of her
His hands
She saw his hands and remembered his warm hugs

Her "wahab"

Him "2amray"

Her "wain your scar?"

There was something missing
He forgot to show her something
The scar
It was what made him unique


He pulled down his collar and showed

There it was in the middle of his neck

Him "ti6amanty"

She looked at him one more time and walked away
It was him
And she left
She was walking at first but then ran

Him "DINA!"

Before he could catch up

She drove away

She sped through
The silent streets
Driving the car he bought her
Her tears fell down silently
She was numb
She was angry

She drove off to her usual place for the last seven years

To see the sun rise up
No one knew about this place
It was her safe place


He went home
Expecting her to be there
He wanted to explain
He had a valid reason he thought
A very good one

But would she except it
Knowing her
He didn’t think she would

He arrived
It was all the same
Not a tiny difference

He smiled at the thought

She is one loyal wife

She even kept the keys in the fountain on the left corner under the rock

He took them
And opened the door
It was dark
He looked in the rooms
There was no sign of her

He made his phone calls
She was no where to be found

It drove him crazy


She stayed a bit longer than she used

She stayed seven hours

Then she went home
Expected him to be waiting on the steps
Cupping his face
With his red eyes
And his sad lips

She wanted him to be that way

She hoped he was in that state

And as anticipated he was there
As she wished



She parked her car in front of him

He raised his head

She didn’t look at him
Opened her bag took out the house keys

Walked up the few steps and opened the wooden door
It was unlocked

She didn’t consider his existence

He didn’t say a word
He got up to follow her

And as he turned around and took the few steps

She closed the door

In front of him
She was cold
But behind that door she broke down
She fell to the ground crying

Seven minutes passed and she stopped
She took a piece of tissue and wiped her tears

Her "I'm old enough to handle this!"

He walked in from the balcony
With a red face
He was mad
Furious
How could she do this!
Those were the thoughts that ran through his mind

Him "ako wa7da it9ik ib bab ib wayh rayilha!"
It took her seven seconds to answer him
As she took in his voice

Her "Seven years"
she said
as she looked deep in his hurt eyes blankly
no emotion no nothing
seven years she thought again to herself

Seeing You.....

Today was just for you.
You see I miss you so I came to see you.
You know why; because I love you.
Everyday I would revise those messages, the messages that were written for me; only me.
I read them every now and then and every time I read them its like the first time

Its like I just received those messages and I need to reply

I would blush at your such sweet words

Kind ones

Aaa55


But I thank God for my strong will


My strong will to control my desires


I wish it was like before

You know it seemed as if it was yesterday

It seemed as if it was yesterday as if I had heard your voice

But when we were together every minute we were apart seemed like ages

And now..


I won't leave you, actually.......


I left you and my heart is still with you



I have a sad life don't I


My life without you is sad


But I deserve it


I'm the one who brought it to myself

I made you love me then I broke your heart




Sad right?



But then again whenever I hear your name the only thing I want is the best for you



Happiness


Fun




Today I saw you


I saw the happy you


The smile I saw when I first met you


It was my smile


But now it belongs to her


You were hugging her
You were kissing her
You were teasing her
You guys were goofing around
You were having fun



The most important thing was that you were joyful, ecstatic





And that my love

That made my day

Seeing you like that meant the world to me


You may think I'm jealous


Yes I may be


But I am happy for you


My heart was smiling

Weird right?
That's how you make me feel





A weird person

Even though you are with her I feel special


Because I was once with you






I love you 7abebe


And that's how you make me feel

when you didn't even notice my existence






But that's okay





Because you were happy when I saw you today

i love you

Him and I

I woke up at 6am...
Just like everyday I would wash up and pray then a thirty minute work-out would follow up.
It was 8am it was time to leave the house and visit her, my grandma; I would visit her everyday to check on her..
I took the keys of my car and went in; turned on the engine and waited till my car was heated I drove through the clean calm streets
It was empty only a few trucks here and there I decided I was in the mood for coffee I needed it; anything that could take my mind of him..
It was all because of him, he made this all happen
He was my happiness and my misery
He was my everything
I would wake up every morning hoping to bump into him
Just to meet his gaze
See his smile
Smell his scent
Only a second with him would mean the world to me
If only
I thought if only
If only he would feel the same way
Miss me like I miss him
Need me like I need him
Eager to wake up every morning just to see me

I went into the coffee shop looked at the choices and I went with the usual
Something he loves; something he got me addicted to
I HATE HIM was the only thing that was on my mind
I hate him for making me love him
I hate him for making me miss him
I hate him for making me think of him
I hate him
I just hate him


And like that the idea of hating him has faded away
I couldn't leave this bubble I tried escaping but I would always have the same outcome


Failure
Yes, failure


I got my double espresso and left
I drove to the hospital quietly


I arrived, I walked through the white corridors
Only white uniforms were at sight


Where is he?

Why isn't he here?


But then again why would he?

I went to granny's floor then the ward and entered her room
I sat there for five minutes

I want him

i unlocked my phone

the password was his name

i typed three words

three words that i feel every single morning

i miss you

i wanted to send it soo bad

but i don't want to show him that I'm pathetic

he probably has another woman by now
I want water
That's something I could do, finally!
Down I went the ten flights of stairs
I felt free, right then and there

and that's when i saw him

my heart fluttered

our eyes met

he had a soft smile

is it him?

is it really him?

i starred at him wondering was it my him or just another random him?

i forgot what he looked like

i just have a vague image

and then and there

i realised that i was holding onto nothing

i don't remember him

i don't need him

because if i really did, then i would be dead by now

its been months

five months to be exact

and i could live five more in this same situation

or i could simply let go

i will let him go

because the only person i need now is me

i want me

i miss me

and that's because i love me